Saturday, February 15, 2014

Tales of the V-Day Creep

So last night... Where do I start? It started with a simple plan.

But then things got weird.

Let's just say that I'm beginning to seriously question some of the men on this planet. Yes, some of them were college boys, far from men, but still. Some of the things I saw and heard last night was quite startling. 

I'd like to take a second to say that just because a group of girls are out together, that does not mean they are looking for men. Yes, they may be. But the whole "pounce while they're lonely" thing is a little crazy.

I actually heard two bros talking to each other at a bar last night strategizing on how to pick up girls on Valentine's Day. It went a little something like this:

Experienced Bro: "Yeah, man. You just totally find a group of girls, and pick the hottest one. Because you know they are all lonely and single. So you don't even have to try that hard."

Newb: "Okay. Okay. So what's the pick-up line here?"

Experienced Bro: "I told you man, you don't even have to try. Just talk to them. They just want a man tonight. They don't care who."

I overheard this and was slightly appalled and extremely concerned. But then the night went downhill from there. I wish I'd had a video camera to capture some of this, because it just doesn't sound like real life. 

Exhibit A: The group of 5 girls I was with are sitting at table at a bar. Two fellows approach the table. The first asks what all of us lovely ladies are doing here alone on Valentine's Day. (That was your first wrong step, my friend.) Then his fellow dude strikes up a conversation with one of my friends. For some reason, this causes Dude #1 to freeze up. Instead he decided to stand at the end of our table and just stare at us. Not saying anything. Just standing there. For about 5 minutes. After an extremely uncomfortable 5 minutes, he finally decides to walk away, upset that his friend may actually be mildly interesting. 

Exhibit B: This actually occurred after Dude #1 got mad and walked away while his wingman was chatting it up with my friend. This random fellow comes walking up to our table, stops, stares at us, says "GOOD GOD!" and walks away. I'm still confused by his attempt at flattery.

Exhibit C: After being sufficiently creeped out at the previous bar, we moved on up the street looking for a different crowd. A for effort. That is all. Within 5 minutes of arriving at our new location, a lonely boy roams our way and asks if "we will be here for like 5 more minutes." Uh, why do you ask my friend? Because that's a strange way to approach a group of women. He then proceeds to count us and announce that there are 5 of us, and he has 4 friends that he would like to go grab to simply have some nice conversations and buy us some drinks. He then took about 10 minutes explaining this to us. While that took me about 15 seconds. I digress. He then walked away to get his friends, took too long, and we decided to leave. We passed him on the way out and to say he was disgruntled would be an understatement. He actually yelled at one of the girls I was with. 

I will never understand. They were out in full creep-mode last night. I thought I'd seen it all. But that would be false. 

I think it's all rooted in pathetic things that look like this:
Ugh. Stop.

It's all in good fun if you don't just jump in there thinking you've got game. A little bit of chivalry never killed anybody, so start from the top, don't jump in there with strange pick-up lines or with some strange pelvic thrusting. It's not going to work for you, bro.

Just because I'm single on Valentine's Day does not mean I'm looking for you to temporarily fill some void in my life for the evening. I'm just trying to have some fun with my fellow single ladies. Is there something so hard to understand about that? Don't pity me, please.

I'll leave you with a precious picture of the girls from last night that drew so much attention from unwanted suitors.

Am I the only one who experienced this struggle last night? 
Or are men everywhere this awful?

xoxo, jgp


  1. Haha! This was hilarious. Whenever I go out with my group of friends, we always run into creeps.

  2. Oh. My. Gosh. I love this! It's so true!! Guys are (not so secretly) worse than girls on valentines day.

  3. This is so hilarious! I was with my boyfriend yesterday so I didn't have to deal with any creeps, but I've felt your pain in the past!